Forgiven & Free

dearly beloved.saved by grace.aspiring musician and songwriter.future wife and mother


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RECALL…REMEMBER…BRING IT BACK…

“You cannot eat the same thing again and again!”

This was a statement said by my former boss, after I asked him why he was only having coffee and tea for lunch.

To give a background, our canteen literally serves the same menu every week. More like your hard-coded millitary serving. As we are located in a remote area, we do not have much options aside from the fast food delivery.

I thought to myself “So would you rather starve than eat the same stuff?”

It reminded me of the manna and quail story. Those days when the Israelites wandered in the desert, and were fed with manna everyday. They got tired of it and complained, so the Lord sent quails.
This doesn’t mean the Lord is your typical genie who would just grant every wish. If we read carefully, their grumbling reaped a consequence. A plague fell over the people as they ate the quails.
By complaining, it was a rejection of God’s provisions, and the bondage from which they had been rescued. This attitude displeased God, and He brought judgment upon them as a disciplinary act.

It’s very easy to say, oh those Israelites were so stubborn and ‘pabebe’. But come to think about it. There are so many things we complain about, from the scent of the air in public transport (fragrance it is), to the person at work who talks non-stop in that annoying tone.

Would it be easier to make a list of complaints rather than a list of things we are thankful for? 🙂

Recall those days when you prayed to be where you are right now. Remember the times when you cried out to God and he answered.
How did it feel?

It takes effort to remain grateful. That’s why we are always reminded to give thanks. We do not need to be reminded to complain or grumble (haha)!

With all that being said, now peel off the onion skin (balat sibuyas) and strip off the victim mentality. Let’s get this on! Fighting!


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Not Alone

I am taken back to an experience many years ago. Not so far away, and not so long ago. I went to an event, with the expectation of meeting a friend there. But then, it turned out she had changed her mind. Since I was already at the venue, what was I to do? I either go home or stay.

Choosing to stay, I went in and took a seat. A guy approached me and asked

 “Hi miss. Mag isa ka lang?” (Are you alone?)

Me: Oo (yes)

“Nge! Bakit?” (Why?)

So I gave him a knuckle punch on his face and said “OO MAG ISA AKO! MASAYA KA NA???” (Yes I’m alone! Happy???)

—-Well I wish I could have done that. (makes naughty face)

After sometime, a little girl of Arab descent danced in front of me. She looked at me and said: “Ate ganda!”

Have you ever watched those cartoons where the character was crying then suddenly the tears went back up into his eyes? I think that happened to me haha. I mean, how could I resist her?

It turned out that her nurse was a Filipina, so she knew a few Tagalog words. I had a chat with the nurse, and learned she was working in the palace. As the program was about to begin, she handed me over some food. Being the shy-type (yeah!), I said “Thank you, but I’m still fine.”

But then she insisted and said “Take it. It’s from the palace.”

I was stunned. The show started. Along the way, I saw a group of friends who also happened to be there, so we had a good catch up.

As I went to sleep, those words were still in my head: “Take it. It’s from the palace.”

It was like my Heavenly Father saying …”Receive my blessing.”

I realized I was not alone.  He provided people (and food!).

Things don’t always go as expected, but could turn out even better than what we had in mind.

That’s it for now folks. Cheers 🙂

 


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Part 3: Until Then

This is a continuation of:

Part 1: Do Not Awaken Love

and

Part 2: Not Yet

 

 

“Hi, may pasalubong ako sayo.”

Months passed.

After coming back from a 20 day vacation, I said I got something for you.
We agreed to meet up.

The truth is, I wanted to talk to you. So I used some bait and felt smart about it. Nyahaha.

I wanted to ask you one question: “Bakit mo ako inaaya?” (Why do you ask me out?)

At that moment, I could say we were at the border of the get-to-know-a-new-friend zone. Going further could be danger zone, like illegal crossing from one country to another, so I wanted to clear things out.

So we met up, and I was ready with my game plan. (insert wicked laughter)

But then, due to some circumstances, and after several twists and turns all in a day, I was not able to ask that question.

We parted ways. I went home frustrated, complaining to God.

But I was unaware that the twists and turns were not yet over.
He did not allow me to ask you that question, because he made you ask instead…in a way I did not expect.   🙂

It was a combination of comedy, action and thriller.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

 

Fast forward…

 

Love,

There will always be twists and turns.
Nothing is easy and that is a guarantee.
But it is our best privilege to have Christ.

Now I know why it took time.
Preparation takes time.
Especially if it’s preparation for a battle you’ll be fighting side by side.

On the 24th of January 2019, I signed up. 🙂

Yours in Faith,

Jean Claude L. Javier

 

As I enter a relationship again after 8 years, here’s what I realized: Being in a relationship is not an upgrade in my status. Rather, it is an upgrade in accountability…a tighter level of accountability.

 

Being in a relationship is not an upgrade in my status. Rather, it is an upgrade in accountability…a tighter level of accountability.

 

You laid down your intention of pursuing me. I responded. We prayed.

Nag aya ka. Sumama ako.  🙂

♫♪ as he asked if I would come along, I started to realize…  ♪ ♫ ♫ ♪

 

This is not about us. But it is a story of God’s faithfulness.

How he pruned us individually first, because he wanted you and me to be submerged in his presence. He chose us, not because we were worthy, but simply because he loves us.

He gave me a new life and did the same for you, in order for us to fulfill his purpose here on earth.

 

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. (Ephesians 1:4)


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Part 2: Not Yet

This is a continuation of

https://jcjavier.wordpress.com/2019/02/06/part-1-do-not-awaken-love/

 

 

“Hi! Pwede ba akong makipadala ng pasalubong?”

After weeks of silence, you ask me if you could send across a gift to a common friend in a country where I was travelling to.

At that moment, I was busy preparing for a 10-day mission trip. I said ok.

Isang tanong. Isang sagot. Tapos ang usapan.
(One question and one answer. The end.)

Fast forward… I returned from the trip.

Nag aya ka. Ako naman, sumama. (You asked. I came.)

Kinilig ako sabay napakanta nang “ikaw na ba si mr right”
—Eeeeewww!Hahaha!…of course that didn’t happen

We talked about the trip. Nothing more.
No personal issues.
No violent reactions.
No shockwaves.

We parted ways.

At that moment, I couldn’t explain. I was no longer bothered.
I either felt peace, or I felt nothing. As in nothing. Mafi. Wala. Zero. Nada.

It was no big deal at all.

I said: “Lord, manhid na ata ako?”
At that moment, I wondered if I had already grown emotionally numb.
Whatever it is, I just loved the peace I felt.   🙂


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Part 1: Do Not Awaken Love

It started with a simple question, “Paano ka nagpunta ng Qatar?” and I answered. Isang tanong. Isang sagot. Tapos ang usapan.
(One question and one answer. The end.)

I remember first meeting you two years ago. It was in a group event. From then on, we would just say hi and hello.

There was no strong impression. Nothing special.

OK. Enough flashbacks! Back to the present 🙂

So after that one question one answer, our groups were supposed to go out together. But then their schedules were not in line.

So I sent a message saying “Bro pasensya na. Hindi pwede ang mga bataan ko.”
(Sorry bro. My troops aren’t available.)

So instead, you offered to treat me for my upcoming birthday.

Nag aya. Ako naman, sumama. (You asked. I came.)

I did not make a big fuss over it. I am normally skeptical when it comes to people I am not close with. But then, I decided to start meeting new friends and become more friendly.

Besides, I was thinking “May ka grupo to na meron trip sa isa sa grupo ko. Kaya kinikilala muna nya ako para maging ok muna sakin. Ha!”
(Probably one of your friends is interested in someone from my group.)

At that moment, I just finished off with a not-so-good experience (but later it turned out to be one of the best lessons for me).

Also, at this point, I had stopped asking God for a lifetime partner, because I was either 1. tired and fed up, or 2. at peace that He already knows even if I don’t ask.

After that get-to-know-a-new-friend moment, I was a bit bothered. I prayed. You stopped talking to me. So I said “OK Lord. Thanks for sparing me.”


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It Had To Happen

I asked “Lord why?”
He looked on me with love:
Trust me my child
It had to happen

He was faithful to answer:
My ways are higher
My thoughts not yours
It had to happen

Greater things lie ahead
Every season has to end
So hold your peace, be still
It had to happen

So it is when seasons change
As mud forms after the rain
New strength is born, faith is regained
It had to happen…


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Knock Knock

Knock knock!

-Who’s there?

ktnxbye! (got scared and ran away)

Kumatok. Pinagbuksan. Tumakbo. (knocked.door was opened.ran away)

Does this scene look familiar? As a child did you experience knocking on someone’s door and running away, just for fun?—I think I did.

And as an adult I did, but it wasn’t for fun. I was visiting a friend’s house, with another friend. When we pressed the door bell, we realized we were on the wrong floor!—- Oh no!
Before the door swang open, we managed to run away and hide in the elevator. By the way, we were both carrying musical instruments when we did that; an electric guitar and a keyboard.

If I was the owner of the house, my reaction would be either:
1. What a bunch of weirdos! (annoyed)
2. Maybe it’s some modus operandi. I better call the police! (alarmed)
3. Probably just some kids playing around. (just ignore it)

Have you experienced asking God for something, and then when a chance came, you were in doubt if it was from God, so you turned it down? Like you ran away and hid?

Again, I did hehehe. And I’m just so grateful he did not give up pursuing me.

Sometime about two years back, I was about to attend a night of worship. However, I was hesitant to go, so I gave my ticket away. Not once. Not twice, but thrice.
(To those who were involved, smile if you read this, hihihi.)
After giving it away for the third time, someone approached me and gave an extra ticket. Now if this isn’t enough to convince me to accept the nth chance, maybe I’m not human.

There are times when God may have given us opportunities, and we fail to see them, because we are pre-occupied, or too focused on our ideals.
Because of his grace, he does not grow annoyed with us.
As God is omniscient, he does not get alarmed. He knows us very well, thus he already knows what’s bound to happen before we see it.
God is merciful. Though there may be times of discipline, he does not ignore us.

Going back to the door incident, my friend and I ran away because we realized we made a mistake. In the school of ideal reality, we could have just stayed and said “Sorry, it’s an honest mistake.” –with matching killer smile and puss-in-boots eyes (pabebe smile plus paawa eyes).

If, and only if, we humans make the most, best, and the “bestest-among-the-rest” perfect decisions all the time, then how can God’s grace be demonstrated? How can forgiveness be shown?

If everything was perfect, there would be no testimonies.
If everything went as planned, there would be no lessons learned. No growth.
The scary part is: in a perfect world, nobody would say “God I need you.”

Dear reader, this is not a statement saying go ahead and make mistakes. But while we are here on earth, nothing is perfect. Nothing. That is a fact.
We all have ideals. And most of the time expectation vs reality may be disappointing.

Perhaps you knocked, and when the door opened, you didn’t see what you wanted, or what you expected. That’s part of life. Chill!

Who knows, it might even be better than what it seems. Because nothing and no one in this world can ever give the contentment that only God can.

Ending with this line: “This is where you’ll learn to let go.”

 


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For You…

I wrote this last year, but I couldn’t finish it so I kept it aside for a long time.

(raw sample)

To my one and only…this is for you.

.

.

.
Standing here in this moment
Staring into your eyes
This is a day I’ve waited for

Waited through all these years
Praying one day I’ll see you
And I never knew how you would come

And it all began with just a simple prayer

Now as I look into your eyes
I see His glory in your life
Coz the love that you and I would share
Is His gift from up above
Now as I look into your eyes
I see a future that will last
Knowing that the Father’s hand
Led my heart to where you are

I’ve been through many seasons
Hoping one day I’ll see you
And I never knew how you would come

And it all began with just a simple prayer

Now as I look into your eyes
I see His glory in your life
Coz the love that you and I would share
Is His gift from up above
Now as I look into your eyes
I see a future that will last
Knowing that the Father’s hand
Led my heart to where you are


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Lagrima

Natatandaan mo ba yung mga panahon na sabay kayong nag aantay ng jeepney?

Nung sabay nyo pa minimemorize yung lyrics ng “stupid love” ng Salbakuta, na nakasulat sa yellow pad…

Yung tapos na ang klase mo pero sa halip na umuwi ka na kaagad eh, you stayed back kasi nag aantayan kayo. —Tambay muna ako sa library.

Sa mga babae, yung mabigyan ka ng loveletter na nakasulat sa pinakatupi tuping stationary (at kung engineering student yung nagbigay, naka engineering lettering pa).

Kung ganun, isa lang ang ibig sabihin nyan.
Move on na pare.
Move on na girl.
Anong petsa na! Panahon na ng millenials, hello???

Oo nga pala, this post is not about moving on after a break-up. Nais ko lang kayong gisingin. Sorry! Hahaha!
Two questions to ponder on:
1. What do you want to see?
2. What do you want other people to see through your eyes?

Coming from the title itself, Lagrima is the title of a musical piece by Francisco Tarrega. It means teardrop in Spanish. Some translations say “from the eyes” (corrections are welcome). OK, enough of the classical nerdy talk.

Can I make a confession here? I just came from a period where in I asked God:
Lord, I thought I heard you right?
Lord, what went wrong?
Lord, akala ko close tayo?
Lord, akala ko OK na?

Then I had these thoughts:
You cannot fully trust people.
You cannot trust your past experiences.
You cannot trust the situation.
You can only put your full trust in God alone.

When we feel disappointment, when expectations are not met, one way to cope up is to become defensive. Put boundaries. Build walls. Burn bridges. Being defensive can cause us to shut down. We close our eyes from people and situations, becoming like a blind person.

Use defense in a sentence:
DEFEAT of DEDUCT went over DEFENSE.

(The feet of the duck went over the fence.)

This also changes the way we see things. Our perspective becomes dark and negative. We turn skeptic, afraid to trust anyone. Over time, those walls we build become a hindrance for us to see the good things God has in store for us. We only see fear. Our sight is limited to the space we created.

Dear reader, if you are in this situation, my prayer for you is that your joy and your proper sight will be restored. So, this also means…move on. 🙂

Remember, we only live once. 🙂

Matthew 6:22-23
“The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. “But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

Psalm 119:18. “Open my eyes, that I may behold wonderful things from your law.”