Forgiven & Free

dearly beloved.saved by grace.aspiring musician and songwriter.future wife and mother


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It Had To Happen

I asked “Lord why?”
He looked on me with love:
Trust me my child
It had to happen

He was faithful to answer:
My ways are higher
My thoughts not yours
It had to happen

Greater things lie ahead
Every season has to end
So hold your peace, be still
It had to happen

So it is when seasons change
As mud forms after the rain
New strength is born, faith is regained
It had to happen…

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Knock Knock

Knock knock!

-Who’s there?

ktnxbye! (got scared and ran away)

Kumatok. Pinagbuksan. Tumakbo. (knocked.door was opened.ran away)

Does this scene look familiar? As a child did you experience knocking on someone’s door and running away, just for fun?—I think I did.

And as an adult I did, but it wasn’t for fun. I was visiting a friend’s house, with another friend. When we pressed the door bell, we realized we were on the wrong floor!—- Oh no!
Before the door swang open, we managed to run away and hide in the elevator. By the way, we were both carrying musical instruments when we did that; an electric guitar and a keyboard.

If I was the owner of the house, my reaction would be either:
1. What a bunch of weirdos! (annoyed)
2. Maybe it’s some modus operandi. I better call the police! (alarmed)
3. Probably just some kids playing around. (just ignore it)

Have you experienced asking God for something, and then when a chance came, you were in doubt if it was from God, so you turned it down? Like you ran away and hid?

Again, I did hehehe. And I’m just so grateful he did not give up pursuing me.

Sometime about two years back, I was about to attend a night of worship. However, I was hesitant to go, so I gave my ticket away. Not once. Not twice, but thrice.
(To those who were involved, smile if you read this, hihihi.)
After giving it away for the third time, someone approached me and gave an extra ticket. Now if this isn’t enough to convince me to accept the nth chance, maybe I’m not human.

There are times when God may have given us opportunities, and we fail to see them, because we are pre-occupied, or too focused on our ideals.
Because of his grace, he does not grow annoyed with us.
As God is omniscient, he does not get alarmed. He knows us very well, thus he already knows what’s bound to happen before we see it.
God is merciful. Though there may be times of discipline, he does not ignore us.

Going back to the door incident, my friend and I ran away because we realized we made a mistake. In the school of ideal reality, we could have just stayed and said “Sorry, it’s an honest mistake.” –with matching killer smile and puss-in-boots eyes (pabebe smile plus paawa eyes).

If, and only if, we humans make the most, best, and the “bestest-among-the-rest” perfect decisions all the time, then how can God’s grace be demonstrated? How can forgiveness be shown?

If everything was perfect, there would be no testimonies.
If everything went as planned, there would be no lessons learned. No growth.
The scary part is: in a perfect world, nobody would say “God I need you.”

Dear reader, this is not a statement saying go ahead and make mistakes. But while we are here on earth, nothing is perfect. Nothing. That is a fact.
We all have ideals. And most of the time expectation vs reality may be disappointing.

Perhaps you knocked, and when the door opened, you didn’t see what you wanted, or what you expected. That’s part of life. Chill!

Who knows, it might even be better than what it seems. Because nothing and no one in this world can ever give the contentment that only God can.

Ending with this line: “This is where you’ll learn to let go.”

 


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For You…

I wrote this last year, but I couldn’t finish it so I kept it aside for a long time.

(raw sample)

To my one and only…this is for you.

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Standing here in this moment
Staring into your eyes
This is a day I’ve waited for

Waited through all these years
Praying one day I’ll see you
And I never knew how you would come

And it all began with just a simple prayer

Now as I look into your eyes
I see His glory in your life
Coz the love that you and I would share
Is His gift from up above
Now as I look into your eyes
I see a future that will last
Knowing that the Father’s hand
Led my heart to where you are

I’ve been through many seasons
Hoping one day I’ll see you
And I never knew how you would come

And it all began with just a simple prayer

Now as I look into your eyes
I see His glory in your life
Coz the love that you and I would share
Is His gift from up above
Now as I look into your eyes
I see a future that will last
Knowing that the Father’s hand
Led my heart to where you are


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Lagrima

Natatandaan mo ba yung mga panahon na sabay kayong nag aantay ng jeepney?

Nung sabay nyo pa minimemorize yung lyrics ng “stupid love” ng Salbakuta, na nakasulat sa yellow pad…

Yung tapos na ang klase mo pero sa halip na umuwi ka na kaagad eh, you stayed back kasi nag aantayan kayo. —Tambay muna ako sa library.

Sa mga babae, yung mabigyan ka ng loveletter na nakasulat sa pinakatupi tuping stationary (at kung engineering student yung nagbigay, naka engineering lettering pa).

Kung ganun, isa lang ang ibig sabihin nyan.
Move on na pare.
Move on na girl.
Anong petsa na! Panahon na ng millenials, hello???

Oo nga pala, this post is not about moving on after a break-up. Nais ko lang kayong gisingin. Sorry! Hahaha!
Two questions to ponder on:
1. What do you want to see?
2. What do you want other people to see through your eyes?

Coming from the title itself, Lagrima is the title of a musical piece by Francisco Tarrega. It means teardrop in Spanish. Some translations say “from the eyes” (corrections are welcome). OK, enough of the classical nerdy talk.

Can I make a confession here? I just came from a period where in I asked God:
Lord, I thought I heard you right?
Lord, what went wrong?
Lord, akala ko close tayo?
Lord, akala ko OK na?

Then I had these thoughts:
You cannot fully trust people.
You cannot trust your past experiences.
You cannot trust the situation.
You can only put your full trust in God alone.

When we feel disappointment, when expectations are not met, one way to cope up is to become defensive. Put boundaries. Build walls. Burn bridges. Being defensive can cause us to shut down. We close our eyes from people and situations, becoming like a blind person.

Use defense in a sentence:
DEFEAT of DEDUCT went over DEFENSE.

(The feet of the duck went over the fence.)

This also changes the way we see things. Our perspective becomes dark and negative. We turn skeptic, afraid to trust anyone. Over time, those walls we build become a hindrance for us to see the good things God has in store for us. We only see fear. Our sight is limited to the space we created.

Dear reader, if you are in this situation, my prayer for you is that your joy and your proper sight will be restored. So, this also means…move on. 🙂

Remember, we only live once. 🙂

Matthew 6:22-23
“The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. “But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

Psalm 119:18. “Open my eyes, that I may behold wonderful things from your law.”


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Basketball Court

I created this post because I love playing basketball.

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No, I’m just kidding. And for those of you who know me well, you’d probably slap me haha.

A basketball court reminds me of two incidents: When my heart got broken, and when I fell in love.

I just got past the last year of my teens. OK, I won’t make you count. I was twenty at the moment, on the last semester of college, before graduation.

I remember walking through the rain with my best friend. We went past bystanders drinking on long wooden tables. Yeah, rain won’t stop them! We reached the basketball court, and she asked me “Bez kaya mo na?” (can you manage). I said yes, so she gave me a hug then left. As I entered the court, he saw me, and he froze. Who was he? —The one who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Yes, you can say I was a sentimental fool back then. Without further ado, he called for a break, packed up and walked towards me: “Anong ginagawa mo dito?” (What are you doing here?).  We went outside and talked. To make it more dramatic, the rain stopped.  All I could say was “Bakit?” (Why)…and the rest is history. Clearly, it was over.

Fast forward…3 years later, I was a stone-hearted 23 year old, believing that I am in complete control of my life. By this time, I was into another relationship. I just got retrenched, so I was jobless. A former colleague invited me to a 5-day church youthcamp. On the last day of the camp, we were in a basketball court, singing praise and worship songs.

I wondered: Why are these people so happy clapping their hands and singing praises? What is in them that makes them do all this? Prior to that night, I was led to a prayer of repentance. I did not fully understand, but I followed. Later that night, I accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. No I did not plan it. Nobody forced me. Nobody brainwashed me. But it was the best decision.The joy is unexplainable.  🙂

After the worship service was over and we were about to exit the court, one pastor approached me and said “I saw angels dancing around you.”

So those are my two basketball court moments…

Once, my heart was broken, then it got restored rightfully to the lover of my soul.  And it’s not because of what I did. He pursued me first, even before I sought him.   He loved me first, and this time it’s an eternal guarantee. No more sentimental foolishness.   🙂


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What Makes You Afraid?

What makes you afraid?
This is a question I posted the other day. It may sound negative on some viewpoint, but I’ve been pondering on the word ‘fear’ for quite some time.

Six months ago, I just met a missionary who told me this “I felt God wanted me to tell you: do not be afraid.” It made no sense to me at that moment, or rather, I did not know where to relate. All I knew on that day was—I’m standing at the beginning of the year 2018.

Thought bubble says: I’m excited, bring it on 2018! No fear! (mejo mayabang eh)

Since then, every word from God which had ‘fear’ in it would have an impact on me. Every time I read “don’t be afraid”, I felt the adrenaline spike up and jot down those verses. Even in my dreams, he seemed to be reminding me: “don’t be afraid”. And just to assure me, I was even reminded once, through my boss!

For the past six months I faced some situations where fear was present. For the sake of keeping this post intact, I will not disclose everything right now, hehehe.

Then it just dawned on me: Am I afraid of entering a new season?
(Imagine Bruce Lee’s “Enter the Dragon”)

Take my hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on me alone
Don’t you say why were the old days better
Just because you’re scared of the unknown

(Take My Hand – The Kry)

 
When we base everything on our past, and fear that it might happen again in the future, it will be difficult to move on.
Fear cripples us.
Fear paralyzes us.

Say for instance, a child who has never gotten bruised yet does not know the concept of pain. There is no fear, only curiosity. Here are two possible reactions when a child gets wounded for the first time:
1. I won’t do that anymore.
2. I wanna do it again! Maybe this time I’ll be stronger, smarter, wiser…

Well, most of the time, it’s the second option, haha.
Children are known to be humble and teachable. But then, they can be easily fooled and led astray.
In a way, fear helps us to become more careful. But there should be a balance. And fear can be overcome with faith.

This sounds cliche, but it still stands true, and will always stand true. If you’ve heard it a lot of times already, then good! Hear it over and over again until it gets rooted in.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)


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Seek Ye First

One day (isang araw)….

during my younger years (noong aking kabataan)…

I was serenaded with this song. (Bro, if you read this, smile. I appreciate that effort, and it had a huge impact on me. I was still walking in my ‘pabebe’ steps that time, so this verse really crawled into my system.)

Its melody line is much like Johann Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” —-Yes, you may call me a classical nerd. The lyrics are pretty much taken straight from the verse Matthew 6:33

 

Seek ye first the kingdom of God

And His righteousness

And all these things shall be added unto you

Hallelu Halleluiah

 

Sounds great, right? This is a promise of blessing from the Lord. And this is also one verse which is being abused a lot. Ooops! Hehehe kaboom! (Trulalu and walang halong eklavoo!)

This is one of the commonly used and remembered verses when we are in need. A lot of times when we are down, suddenly we want more of God. Suddenly we fall on our knees and beg for grace and mercy. When faced with problems, our tendency is to look for something strong to hold on to.

If that’s you, then congratulations! You’re a normal human being.

We all have needs. And I do agree that there are times God allows unwanted things to happen, in order for us to draw nearer to him. Now that does not mean that he orchestrates sickness and accidents.

Dear reader, it is important to know that God has not created us as robots. Because he loves his creation, he has given the privilege of free will. However, doing anything outside God’s will is dangerous. Any decision outside his will can lead to consequences. Now, do I scare you?

Nah! My goal is not to scare you.

Going back to the verse, seeking God is putting him first, number one, priority. That involves obedience. And I am not referring to a singing cricket who acts as your conscience.

Seeking God is a daily pursuit, not just a one-time big-time event. We don’t need to be isolated in the mountains or take a trip to Tibet to do this. We don’t need to be bible scholars before we pursue a relationship with God.

With the free will he has given to us, the decision is in our hands; the decision that will determine our eternity.

Yes, there are a lot of promises we can claim in the bible. Yes, God is good (and just, too). Yes, God is a promise-keeper. And here are some questions worth asking ourselves:

Do I seek God only when I need him?

Do I remain hungry for God?

Do I make an effort to know God and who he really is?